My grandma was my primary caretaker and best friend. Anticipatory grief overwhelmed me–this dreadful feeling that the first loss I would experience would be the woman I’m closest to.

Suddenly, I had a dear friend pass. With the death of that friend, I realized few people spoke to me about death before it happened. I found myself wondering how my grandmother felt. As an 89-year-old woman, she has lost so many friends and family members.

I wondered what it was like for her. How does she see grief? I sought to put her definition in conversation with my experience.