This is a first revision on a short that I am hoping to film in the not too distant future. For me, there's a delicate balance between reality and cinematic narrative. While I need to convey enough information to continue to drive the story forward, I never want the piece to feel excessively plotted or expositional. What I'm really looking to find out here, beyond any feedback you feel like sharing with regards to the work, which areas of the story feel too much like a movie, which run too long, or which could be expanded.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my work, and I look forward to hearing what everyone has to say.