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About this submission

(I've resubmitted this because I accidentally failed to include the title page in the previous submission)

This is a high school dramedy spec feature about a girl with aggressive leukemia who, before she dies, is determined to have her first kiss: with her very handsome English teacher.

This is a first draft, but I revise as I go along, so I've tried to make it as polished as possible.

I'm not wed to anything in the story, including the title (which I fear may be too much) and the quote I have in the pre-pages.

Below are the things I'm most interested in in terms of feedback, but you are welcome to comment on anything you want. There is some overlap among the below questions too.

1. What bored you? Also, was there a particular page you would have stopped reading on if you weren't being nice and reading the script?
2. What didn't you buy? Were there characters or moments that felt false or inconsistent?
3. What was unclear or confusing?
4. What moments worked best for you?
5. Did the script have some fatal flaw that ruined everything for you--that is, some problem or issue that spoiled everything else?

I think this script has at least two major problems, but I don't want to bias your read by revealing what I think they are. I want to see if others say the things I have in my mind.

I should also mention that although I reached out to the Science and Entertainment Exchange to speak to a doctor about the medical content in this script, they haven't been able to find an expert for me yet, so the science content is based on my own research. I've tried to create a plausible, worst-case medical scenario even though the immunotherapy treatment I feature generally works quite well.

Thank you for devoting any time you can to reading my script, even if you quit on it after a few pages; the script is 110 pages, but it's a quick read.

DG
Darren Greninger
Creator
Arlington, VA, USA
I am an aspiring screenwriter.

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